11chaos
03-04-2006, 09:13 PM
Enjoy!
Three construction workers are on the seventy-fifth floor of a non-finished building. The italian opens his lunch box to find a pizza and says "Man, if I get pizza one more time I am going to jump off this building and fall to my death!" The chinese opens his lunch box to find rice and says "Man, if I get rice one more time I am going to jump off this building and fall to my death!" The blonde opens his lunch box to find a cheeseburger and says" Man, if I get a cheeseburger one more time im going to jump off this building and fall to my death!"
So the next day they all got the same thing and they jumped off the building to their death. That weekend at the funeral, the italian and the chinese wives are crying and saying "I would have fixed him something else for lunch but he never told me." And as the two wives stare at the blondes wife, they both ask why she isn't sad about her husbands death, the blonde replys "Don't look at me, he packs his own lunch."
__________________________________________________ ______________
Another One,
There's this cathedral that's still being worked on, and the workers have rigged a "cage elevator" inside so they can get material up and down to the upper floors. A characteristic of these "cage elevators" is that the doors (gate) must be closed manually for them to be "called" to another floor.
One day one of the workers, Peter by name, takes the elevator to the top floor, and it is subsequently needed on the first floor by the sexton. Unfortunately, Peter forgot and left the door open. After the sexton rings for the elevator a couple times, to no avail, he yells up for the worker to send the lift back down. Visitors to the cathedral were treated to this sight: The sexton of the cathedral, head tipped up, yelling up to the heavens:
"Peter! CLOSE THE GATES!!!"
__________________________________________________ ____________
another one,
Warning, it's a groaner...
Construction Job
An Italian, and Irishman and a Chinese fellow are hired at a
construction site.
The foreman points out a huge pile of sand and says to the
Italian guy, "You're in charge of sweeping".
To the Irishman he says "You're in charge of shoveling".
And to the Chinese guy, "You're in charge of supplies".
He then says "Now, I have to leave for a little while. I
expect you guys to make a dent in that there pile."
So the foreman goes away for a couple hours, and when he
returns, the pile of sand is untouched. He says to the
Italian, "Why didn't you sweep any of it?"
The Italian replies in a heavy accent, "I did nota hava no
broom. You a said to the Chinese a guy thata he a was a in a
charge of supplies, but he hasa disappeared and I could no
find a him."
Then the foreman turns to the Irishman and asks why he
didn't shovel. The Irishman replies in his heavy brogue,
"Aye, ye did lad. But I counna get meself a shovel. Ye left
the Chinese guy in chairge of supplies, but I counna fin'
him".
The foreman is really angry now, and storms off toward the
pile of sand looking for the Chinese guy. Just then, the
Chinese guy springs out from behind the pile of sand and
yells.............. "SUPPLIES!!!"
__________________________________________________ ________
Construction Definitions (Comic)
Contractor - A gambler who never gets to shuffle, cut or deal.
Bid Opening - A poker game in which the losing hand wins.
Low Bidder - A contractor who is wondering what he/she left out.
Engineer's Estimate - The cost of construction in Heaven.
Project Manager - The conductor of an orchestra in which every musician is in a different union.
Critical Path Method - A management technique for losing your shirt under perfect control.
OSHA - A protective coating made by half-baking a mixture of fine print, split hairs, red tape and baloney - usually applied at random with a shot gun.
Strike - An effort to increase egg production by strangling the chicken.
Delayed Payment - A tourniquet applied at the pockets.
Completion Date - The point at which liquidated damages begin.
Liquidated Damages - A penalty for failing to achieve the impossible.
A few I found here and there.
Three construction workers are on the seventy-fifth floor of a non-finished building. The italian opens his lunch box to find a pizza and says "Man, if I get pizza one more time I am going to jump off this building and fall to my death!" The chinese opens his lunch box to find rice and says "Man, if I get rice one more time I am going to jump off this building and fall to my death!" The blonde opens his lunch box to find a cheeseburger and says" Man, if I get a cheeseburger one more time im going to jump off this building and fall to my death!"
So the next day they all got the same thing and they jumped off the building to their death. That weekend at the funeral, the italian and the chinese wives are crying and saying "I would have fixed him something else for lunch but he never told me." And as the two wives stare at the blondes wife, they both ask why she isn't sad about her husbands death, the blonde replys "Don't look at me, he packs his own lunch."
__________________________________________________ ______________
Another One,
There's this cathedral that's still being worked on, and the workers have rigged a "cage elevator" inside so they can get material up and down to the upper floors. A characteristic of these "cage elevators" is that the doors (gate) must be closed manually for them to be "called" to another floor.
One day one of the workers, Peter by name, takes the elevator to the top floor, and it is subsequently needed on the first floor by the sexton. Unfortunately, Peter forgot and left the door open. After the sexton rings for the elevator a couple times, to no avail, he yells up for the worker to send the lift back down. Visitors to the cathedral were treated to this sight: The sexton of the cathedral, head tipped up, yelling up to the heavens:
"Peter! CLOSE THE GATES!!!"
__________________________________________________ ____________
another one,
Warning, it's a groaner...
Construction Job
An Italian, and Irishman and a Chinese fellow are hired at a
construction site.
The foreman points out a huge pile of sand and says to the
Italian guy, "You're in charge of sweeping".
To the Irishman he says "You're in charge of shoveling".
And to the Chinese guy, "You're in charge of supplies".
He then says "Now, I have to leave for a little while. I
expect you guys to make a dent in that there pile."
So the foreman goes away for a couple hours, and when he
returns, the pile of sand is untouched. He says to the
Italian, "Why didn't you sweep any of it?"
The Italian replies in a heavy accent, "I did nota hava no
broom. You a said to the Chinese a guy thata he a was a in a
charge of supplies, but he hasa disappeared and I could no
find a him."
Then the foreman turns to the Irishman and asks why he
didn't shovel. The Irishman replies in his heavy brogue,
"Aye, ye did lad. But I counna get meself a shovel. Ye left
the Chinese guy in chairge of supplies, but I counna fin'
him".
The foreman is really angry now, and storms off toward the
pile of sand looking for the Chinese guy. Just then, the
Chinese guy springs out from behind the pile of sand and
yells.............. "SUPPLIES!!!"
__________________________________________________ ________
Construction Definitions (Comic)
Contractor - A gambler who never gets to shuffle, cut or deal.
Bid Opening - A poker game in which the losing hand wins.
Low Bidder - A contractor who is wondering what he/she left out.
Engineer's Estimate - The cost of construction in Heaven.
Project Manager - The conductor of an orchestra in which every musician is in a different union.
Critical Path Method - A management technique for losing your shirt under perfect control.
OSHA - A protective coating made by half-baking a mixture of fine print, split hairs, red tape and baloney - usually applied at random with a shot gun.
Strike - An effort to increase egg production by strangling the chicken.
Delayed Payment - A tourniquet applied at the pockets.
Completion Date - The point at which liquidated damages begin.
Liquidated Damages - A penalty for failing to achieve the impossible.
A few I found here and there.